The Dirtiest Word in Private Service
If you’re a millionaire or billionaire homeowner – if you have household management staff – here’s what no one will tell you:
You have a superhero in your home.
They aren’t your family. But they aren’t your servant, either.
They are human. They have needs, but they’re there to serve you.
And, yes, they receive a paycheck. But no one talks about your staff being born with a gift of service – a “service heart.” When their gifts and sacrifices are honored and supported, there’s no end to what they’ll do for you – to make your life easier and more fulfilling.
Controlling them or allowing them to wallow in assumptions about what pleases you will only frustrate both sides of this relationship and can end in their burnout – the primary culprit in this industry for mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and loss of self-esteem, just to name a few.
The above tendencies, paired with…
the need for proper compensation, where many domestic staff are improperly classified as salaried employees to avoid overtime,
a lack of adequate retirement benefits and respect for personal time off, and
a lack of effective communication
…are all a recipe for short-term engagement and burnout.
These are major issues throughout the private service industry, and this imbalance has been ignored for too long.
Why should principals care?
Consider:
You don’t need to thank them. They’re getting paid, right? But what would happen if you did?
You don’t need to tell them they’re doing a good job. But how would you feel if you did?
You don’t need to pay them overtime. But what if you understood the actual cost of their time and didn’t take any of it for granted? Would you use their time the same way? Would you appreciate it more?
What if you gave your staff enough information to implement your request right the first time? Wouldn’t everyone be happier, with less effort and less expense?
What if you outlined expectations, communicated frequently, and empowered your staff to work autonomously?
What would it look like if you respected their time off?
Isn’t it in your best interest for your staff to avoid burnout?
So, what’s the dirty word in Private Service?
BOUNDARIES.
No healthy relationship is sustainable long-term without them. These take a lot of work to implement, especially in an existing relationship. But, set up the right way, you can enable nothing short of magic.
We know that boundaries take a lot of work to develop and implement, and often, someone needs to leave the relationship for them to be heard.
Is your staff always going to get it right? No. Will there be errors and dumb decisions? You bet! But think about a world where:
you aren’t worried about whether the housekeeper shows up for work today,
you didn’t worry whether your Lamborghini got serviced this year, or
your family is prepared in case of a natural disaster or a medical emergency.
Highly trained private service professionals provide benefits well beyond property management. They make your property function more efficiently and lower your risk. And they also enhance the peace and enjoyment of your home and life.
Is there a cost to pay? Of course. But hire the right person, communicate with them frequently, and value their input; your benefits will far outweigh the cost.
Why should you care if your staff has a fulfilling personal life and is financially secure?
Because lacking these basic needs affects their mental health and overall long-term stability – lack of these will likely lead to their burnout.
It’s highly possible they won’t tell you this.
What’s more likely to happen is that you’ll notice changes in their service: they’ll get short-tempered, forget things and become more accident-prone – and you’ll deem them incompetent.
Let’s be honest…
Your staff knows you can call a recruiter and replace them in a heartbeat. But then, that doesn’t serve you well. That’s just another new relationship to vet, onboard, and scrutinize. Another new body in your family’s personal space.
(What was it again that Einstein said about the definition of insanity?)
Ideally, you have employed someone who works for you long-term as a trusted partner to work on your behalf, knows what you want, and collaborates with you to maintain or improve your property values and protect your assets and your family’s privacy and security – to make your life better, and hopefully to make theirs better as well.
Let’s take a moment to recognize the unique skill sets of private service professionals.
They need a broad range of experience to manage your mechanical systems, keep your household staff working efficiently, and have the emotional maturity to handle any situation. And let’s face it: inside your home, many situations are classified as “highly sensitive.”
It takes a unique human being – a superhero – to react appropriately to what can happen in your world. Private service is truly a unique career path. Only a few have the stamina, mindset, and fortitude required to sustain a career in private service long-term. Anyone who reaches your doorstep through a domestic staff recruiter has earned the right to be there, and respect should be paid.
You don’t even need to like them. Maybe you have nothing in common – nothing to talk about. Who cares? You have hired someone who said YES to your mess. Yes to:
serving you,
spending their time and energy to make your family’s life better, and to
taking mundane burdens off your shoulders so you can enjoy your life.
Homeowners should ask whether they want a service professional or a servant before hiring household management.
Remember: when you hired them, they came to you as an expert that was a near-perfect fit. We work in a boundaryless industry. When boundaries are not created and enforced, your staff will eventually feel controlled over time and can become resentful. Do you want someone in your home who feels this way? I wouldn’t.
In closing, here are some brief but highly effective tips to honor the obligatory “Yes” that you’ll hear from your staff:
Allow them your time to confirm your expectations.
Honor their “No.”
Empower them with the autonomy to make decisions on your behalf.
Allow them to spend money within a limited budget to implement your requests.
Protect their time off.
Finally, ask yourself:
Based on the above reasonable parameters, isn't this relationship worth implementing healthy boundaries to protect this superhero?
