Manage Hard Conversations With Your UHNW Principal
As a former estate manager for some of the wealthiest families in the world, one of the hardest parts of my job was giving my UHNW principal a heads up that I had something difficult or challenging to talk to them about, delivering the tough news at the right time and moving on in a productive way.
Without a doubt, this is a big challenge. If you’re dealing with something like a damaged asset such as a vehicle, there may be other parties involved. And that’s not even counting what seems like a unicorn event in terms of finding the right time, place and head space of your principal to deliver the news with a focus on a quick resolution that leaves them thinking that you’re still on top of everything.
Yet…
Having hard conversations with your principal is a key part of your job description. You’re there to minimize the principal’s risk, and these conversations inevitably lean more to the risk side of the “risk vs. reward” equation.
But here’s the good news:
There are proven tactics you can use to take this experience from art to science. Drawing from the great work on this front by folks like Brené Brown and Dr. Ramani Durvasula, recently I shared a 5-part strategy to manage these principal conversations in my monthly Coffee Talk Zoom session.
Here’s the video:
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The video is one of my shortest at just under 12 minutes, but if you have less time than that, here’s a 2-minute read/cheat sheet….
The first 3 steps: PREP, PRESENT, PAUSE
PREP
Schedule regular communication. Agenda:
Stuff going well
Stuff not going well
Upcoming stuff you’re preparing for
What you need from them
Preschedule regular issues like:
Weekly communication updates
Employment and compensation reviews
PRESENT
Deliver the message in person or via phone call when possible
Set a goal of your desired outcome
Take ALL emotion out of the conversation by stating the facts
Craft a script with bullet points
Keep it brief; only provide more explanation if asked
Pro Tip: Leave out any conversation related to “In my past role, I…”
For unique issues outside of the scheduled updates:
Tell them you have something difficult/challenging to talk about
Provide a short phrase about the issue, so they have a sense of what’s coming
Communicate your expectation of their turnaround time
9-1-1, quick reply, or By Friday?
Very important: Let them pick the time to receive the information
Then, PAUSE
Listen to their concerns and feedback
Hear their needs and their desired outcome
The final 2 steps: RESPOND and RECAP
RESPOND
Respond without emotion. Pause if needed.
Take ALL emotion out of the conversation by stating the facts
Reserve the right to think about it. You can say things like:
“That’s interesting”
“I see”
“I’m sorry you feel that way”
Or say nothing at all (silence is a strong response)
Be sympathetic to the backlash
Don’t rebut or explain if you’re not asked for your opinion
If you don’t know something, say so
Don’t take personal blame (you can say “We’ll work on it”)
If you’re not sure of their point, ask for an example
Thank them for their feedback
Lastly, RECAP the communication
In an email with bullet points relating to the outcome
In summary…
Here are the most important points:
Prepare a script
Communicate regularly
Present facts in person or via phone
Pause and listen without comment or emotion
Recap in writing
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I hope this is helpful information. If there’s a way I can help you complete your digital house manual, please reach out. I’d love to hear from you.
You’ve got this!
xo
Kelly
